Till the dark clouds of confusion roll by

There’s a new chapter to a book, a new story to your life. We all have our story which comes with all the twist and turns. With a new chapter, we meet new characters. With every phase that we enter and every new person we meet, it changes us. Our life is just another beautiful book which is waiting in the chaos to be picked by someone.

With the end of school and college, I was done with two major phases of life. I was writing my own story and I had the choice to decide to take up a job or get myself enrolled in college. But which course? Well there I was, with confusion. Forget plans, I didn’t even have a ‘pla’. I chose to go with the flow. Shuffling between a few interviews, I did end up at a job. I entered the world of advertising to be a part of the churning which goes in executing an advertisement.

The first job doesn’t just change you, it’s a slow evolution. Working for nine hours would seem like a nightmare and suddenly expensive fancies might seem more distant. If colleagues aren’t your favourite, you might as well miss those long lost ‘Rishtedaars’ more than the people around you. The going might get tough and the cribbing shall take over you but you’ll learn to survive. You’ll learn to be more mature and value money. And most importantly, you’ll learn to deal with people. Politely.

But, there’s always a ‘but’ in the picture. Most people don’t have everything figured out. You could be among them. I am among them. We tend to go with the flow and we assume that like the rest, we’ll have a perfect plan and everything shall go according to that. We wish that could happen but then we wouldn’t understand life. Suddenly, there wouldn’t be the need of success or failure and life would turn from a roller coaster ride to a never ending road trip without a beautiful view. Wouldn’t that be boring?

We all go through the melancholy once in a while but we need the confusion to get things clear. Those little bumps we come across on our way teach us more than the smooth roads. I’ve been going through that phase, the confusion and the ‘no pla’ phase but we’ll figure it out. The storm shall pass and we’ll learn to dance in the rain. But don’t give up on your dream because that shows you’re weak. And you know you aren’t!

For now, I’ve learnt to wake up with a purpose. I might have had a bad day today but every morning is a new story and every stranger I shall meet could be a new character. Our aspirations are our biggest inspiration. The drama is a part of the story. And if something comes to an end, it might as well be a new beginning.

I read this quote and we all need to read this. That’s our purpose and maybe that shall help you see the sun shining through the dark clouds.

We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves. It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep. It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile.

Earl Nightingale

21 things you'll hear in your early 20s

20 years, Four months but I've surely heard the early twenty speeches more often. With majority of you in your early twenties, I'm sure you've heard it all from your parents, relatives or far extended family.

1. 'Aage kya karoge?' - Not one person I came across who hasn't heard it from his/her parents or relatives. We're not even through graduation and they want to know our future plans. Relatives want to know every explicit detail of our life. The truth is their constant interrogation scares us more than the confusion we’re battling with ourselves. Oh how we wish they could understand!

2. Are you planning to study further or start working? – This is the immediate question that follows after our plan. Some students have future aspirations and even see themselves as pursuing PhDs while some are already engaged/married in the last year of college but majority is confused whether to find a job or get in a decent college for masters.

3. When do you plan to get married? – Okay so how old are we like, 20-21-22 maybe 24? We still find ourselves too young to get married at this age. We are not ready to deal with ourselves, so how do people expect us to handle someone else in our life or might as well deal with a new life in a new family? Indian parents, so many expectations I tell you!

4. Are you having an affair? – Why do relatives still go jaw dropping when they hear about an AFFAAAAAAIR? Before it turns out to be a successful love marriage, aren’t we (I’m talking on behalf of all those lovers so better thank me!) supposed to experiment/ date and learn? Like there were no love marriages when they were in their 20s!

5. You should come more often to the weddings and meet people! – Oh this one comes more often. Age 20 seems a bar when you’re suppose to act all civil and presentable and go to long lost relative’s weddings and social gatherings, meet people you didn’t even know existed and smile- with all 32 teeth to show ALL THE TIME. The government considers it legal at 21 to consume alcohol while at the same time, parents ask to act sober. Ah, what an Irony!

6. For women- You should learn how to cook (and additional ‘ghar ka saara kaam’). – For all the women out there, it’s time we learn to make those round Chapatis and to cook the basic Daal, Rice and Paneer so that we can decently cook without burning the food; Food that can be consumed, by people other than you. Just a heads up, the list doesn’t end at cooking.

7. If you do x thing and your parents go all, what will your in-laws says when you do this? – I haven’t heard this too often but my siblings/ friends have. Time has come when moms start training their daughters to stay strong at the battlefield (In-laws’ house)! You need to cook, speak softly, dress decently, act civilly and learn the household chores ‘cause they never want them to say, “Yehi Sikhaya hai tumhari Maa ne?” (Melodramatic but that could happen you know?)

8. When they ask you to lose/gain weight or dress properly when you visit people because you might just have your future mother in-law around. – They want you to be NICE to possibly EVERYBODY. You cannot go all tomboyish, wearing shorts and no makeup. You need to do your hair, appropriately. Make as much use of bags, makeup, accessories and all the girlish stuff. (I know that’s a nightmare for not so girlish women. Been there, done that!) And food, is no longer a necessity; it’s an indulgence. You need to keep a watch on your weight and the food you’re consuming. You can’t even eat like some imprisoned animal that just came out of a cage.   

10. Finance becomes an important issue. – Since most of us don’t start earning too soon, learning how to handle your finances becomes an important lesson. We cannot go spending money lavishly and we need to act mature. Savings could help you through those days when you’re broke or when you’ve to survive on 100 bucks for a week.

11. Learning to do your own dishes or laundry is a must! – Oh yeah. Days are gone when domestic help would rescue you from the dirty dishes and laundry but now, you’re EXPECTED to wash it by yourself. Maybe not every day but surely when the mommy dearest needs help and the domestic help goes on a long vacation. No matter how busy you are, you’ve to help mom. You don’t know want to be in a situation when she takes the house upside down because of the missing maid.

12. And then there are people like me who still don’t know how to drive a car! – Girls learn to drive by 18 (I agree majority of them aren’t the best drivers *embarrassed*) and guys, even before they’re 16; But I’m sure there are some of us hiding our faces in the crowd cause we still can’t drive officially (I don’t even have a two-wheeler’s license.) So once in a while, our parents do remind us to start driving a Car.

13. ‘You’re no longer a teenager’ talks: Of course we aren’t a teenager anymore. There’s no drama and mixed feelings but we’re trying to adapt to the change. Wouldn’t it be nice on your part to give us sometime so we can deal with the grown up stuff?

14. Be a role model for your younger sibling: I hear this almost every day and I’m expected to be the nicest daughter so that my baby sister is INSPIRED and doesn’t end up doing every ridiculous thing I did. She’ll do her own mistakes and learn but we elder ones got to do what we got to do!

15. Or learn something from your elder sibling: - In case you have a perfect elder sibling, oh hell has broken down to you. Every time you do something stupid, you’ll be asked to learn something from the elder ones. Hah. Like they never did anything crazy in their lives!

16. ‘College khatam, Kal se Office aa!’ – Majority of sons are expected to join their dads in the continued legacy of family business and take charge at their office. In fact, all fathers start training their sons from the first year so they can hand over all tasks to their son. (Especially the Marwari, Punjabi and Sindhi boys; wish you luck with that!)

17. What are we doing with our lives? – More than somebody asking us, I think we all question ourselves the same thing more often when we see other people doing extremely well in their lives. The confusion, anger and madness lead nowhere but to introspect, listen to sad songs and talking about the same stuff with our best friends because maybe they are the only ones who understand. But you could also seek advice from seniors, professors and parents. They’ve been there, they sure can help!

18. Pata nahi iska aage kya hoga *sigh*:  Our parents are more confused and scared about our lives. They don’t know what are we going to do ahead but they sure wish to see us do something BIG and even if we don’t end up doing THE BIG THING, they’ll still be proud of us!

19. I’m going to throw your stupid phone. Din bhar Bas Facebook, Whatsapp laga rakha hai! – This dialogue has to come from our parents, every few hours in a day! (Though nowadays, they are the ones who tend to be more addicted to the social networking apps and games on these clingy smart phones!)

20. Stop partying with your friends and become SERIOUS towards your life:

And I’m quoting it; it goes SERIOUS, not sincere. Since parents did not pay much heed to our college results, we’re expected to work hard to secure admission in the best college in the country or the best workplace. Well, undeniably; they’re always right*.

21. Din kaise khatam hote jayenge pata bhi nai chalega. Yehi toh time hai career bananeka! – Their generation might not have faced so much competition and their parents didn’t give so much importance to studies, maybe that’s why they as parents want us to supersede them and stand on our feet. The time is now and that’s why we Indian teenagers (okay, young adults. Takes time to get used to it) get to hear all these statements once in a while, for our good. Overrated you may say but haven’t we all been there? 

Obsessed with Closure.

If you ever seem to be a sitcom fan and The Big Bang Theory is your favorite because of the lead, Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons); I'm sure you'll be able to relate to this article. Dear readers, today I'm going to talk about The Closure Alternative (Big Bang Season 6- Episode 21) and my inputs on this morbid obsession with closure.

The most amazing writers end their books abruptly; like you're reading and there seems to be no conclusion for what would have happened to the characters? Did they really meet, survive or die? Sometimes we even miss out the chance to know what the author might have thought about the end of the story. With reading, we get more attached to the characters. Somehow, we seem to get more worried when the fictional character is facing a problem and with them, we weave our own version of the story.

People say it's hard to make a movie which is as close as it has been described in the book. Well, I couldn't disagree more because every reader makes his/her own character sketch and it isn't an easy task to put all those sketches in one single character in the movie. However, it's just not books but even movies end abruptly. What is the motive behind this? Why do they make us scratch our heads or leave us in a profound state of curiosity?

Linking it back to my favorite character, Sheldon Cooper (So he's this scientist guy who has his own set of annoying idiosyncrasies. He lives with his roommate Leonard, who has to bear all his tantrums. Sheldon has an obsessive compulsive disorder and the episode I mentioned, he faces a problem where he cannot accept situations which have no closure; like not being able to blow all the candles on a birthday cake, not completing a word in a sentence or not finishing the tic tac toe, not letting the dominos trip, etc.) he goes through the same problem some of us do. 

We get really obsessive about characters and it becomes difficult to watch a movie or read a book with no closure. Recently, I read one of the most beautiful books, The fault in our stars by John Green whose character Hazel Grace goes through the same obsession; so much that she writes fan mails and even goes all the way to Amsterdam just to meet the author and get all her answers.

It's not like people obsessed with closure are facing a psychological threat but somehow, reading takes us to another world. It's a magical palace with a thousand imaginary worlds, of our own. Movies, adapted from books play the same trick. For some, reading might just be a hobby but some really wish to crawl in those books and be a part of it. Like how would it feel to be there with Harry Potter fighting his fight against Lord Voldemort, to get lost in the labyrinth with Alice in Wonderland or to be the Charlie and take a tour in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!

We've had several movies which end unanticipated and the people who seem to appreciate this style had something else to say. So I asked a friend of mine, Niraj Mulani, to tell me what he felt about closure and he said, 'I think I like it when the author or director leaves the story on a lose end and let's the audience figure out what might have happened because then it let's me be a part of the story and the audience can have their own version as the suspense.' So the director or author plays safe with not disappointing the audience and as well have their own happy ending. 

The truth is we don't really like unfinished things and this closure, we're forgetting how closely it affects us. For years, we've tried to give ourselves the comfort to deal with all the discomforts we find. Dealing with deaths isn't easy, so we came up with funerals as a closure to the dead and the sentiments attached with them. When incongruency took over us, we came up with the comfort of defense mechanisms which could as well be a closure for someone ignoring reality. We need closures in life, to deal with situations, people, relationships and deaths; to realize that something is over and we need to let go maybe because our mind is still stuck in the things we didn't conclude. We need to move past it and realize that no matter how hard it hurt, it's time to take a step ahead then moving backwards. Closure is a healing we all need; those last words said and the last goodbyes- we can't be devoid of the last chance. The closure may or may not meet your expectations but we all seek it to let the old go and say hello to new things.

That reminds me of how Yann Mattel beautifully put it in Life of Pi, 'It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go.'